True Tall Tales
The book you are about to read contains scenes from the life of a not-so-smart young man. We do not recommend catching wild raccoons by hand, angering the elderly, angering your wife, taking opossums to parties, sailing in thunderstorms, or getting stuck upside down in a hole with no pants on. All these things may be hazardous to your health.
If you choose to continue reading this book, we recommend animated laughter, wincing in sympathetic pain, the occasional loud, “Ooh! That's gonna leave a mark!” and slapping your forehead in disbelief.
A tip before you are released to read this book. If a pretty girl bats her eyelashes at you, do not assume she has something in her eye. It makes you look like a dope.